Time Out = Time In

Earlier this week Matthew got into a little bit of trouble for speaking disrespectfully to me.  He was upset about something really silly and lost his temper.   My first response was to ground him from a playdate and all electronics the following day.

This time out, or time away from his friends, did not go as expected.   Serendipitously  Megan ended up going to friends the next day after school to play, so it was just Matthew and I.   Rather than send him to his room, I used this time to reconnect with him.  He helped me make some cookies and we just talked with no TV, radio, or computers on in the background.   He was appreciative of not having to be in his room and always likes to bake cookies.   Some of you may argue that I really did not follow through with any consequence, but I actually might suggest that tuning in and spending time in "together" was just the consequence he needed.

Sometimes I think children act out because they need something.   In Matt's case, I think although he may not have known it, he was missing time with me and his only way to get my attention was to shout at me and overreact.   I've been super busy since September - REALLY, REALLY BUSY!   Scott is doing most of the nighttime routines, as well as taking Matt to and from all sporting events.   I do attend some of his games but I am not getting that time to talk in the car that Scott gets.   Anyway, I believe his actions were not just because he is at an age where he is testing, but also because he is still a little boy who doesn't always know how best to communicate his needs, nor even understand his needs.

So we decorated cookies and talked.   As we talked about sports, upcoming Halloween parties, life, and reflections on school, Matt was respectful and kind.  In fact, he was lovely and a delight to be around.  I did bring up the behaviour from the day before and he was able to see how his behaviour was inappropriate and together we talked about how he could address his needs/concerns in the future.

I am so glad I didn't send him to his room because I would have missed out on this opportunity to really see and reflect on the situation.   As well, I guarantee he would not have listened or discussed the situation with such calm, remorse, and understanding as he did after I had spent some time one-on-one, just he and I baking cookies.

I am certainly not a perfect parent and a lot of times I get it wrong ~ so I am thankful for this time where I think I got it right!