One Word 2018 - Cultivate

And with the blink of an eye, another year has passed! The recent winter holiday was wonderful. We had two weeks off after Christmas which allowed time for much reflection on the year, a renewal of energy and spirit, and time to think about my 2018 One Word. Choosing a single word to guide my year has been a tradition I have been doing since 2012. I've written previous blogposts here and here. I've never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions as they felt a bit like a pass/fail test; whereas, choosing a profound word to inspire and create intention in your life sounds far more inviting!

It seems this tradition is catching on with others. Originally, I heard about One Little Word from a friend who followed Ali Edwards, a blogger who leads workshops on One Little Word. In the fall, another friend introduced me to Jon Gordon, one of the authors of One Word That Will Change Your Life.

2017 was the year of Hygee! Reflecting upon the year that I had, I can tell you with all honestly that my "One Word" made a difference. Placing emphasis on "hygee" helped me to move beyond a year of sadness (the loss of mom) and into a place where I could take comfort in the sanctuary of life. Simply being home with my family or alone or through togetherness with others, I felt love, joy and general sense of well-being. Small things like nightly walks with the dog and Scott, a cozy pair of socks, lit candles, new jammies, and hearing "I love you" from either M & M, all brought be gratitude, serenity and inner peace. This was much needed.

In September, I started a new position in my school district. I went from multiple roles to a district role where I support teachers and students in Numeracy in a broader way. With any change, there is a ton of learning and challenges. There are also many positives, like developing relationships with 'new to me' colleagues. My learning curve has been steep and my pace has been insane; a result of not knowing what I don't know, wanting to do well, and the high expectations I place on myself. A pace like this doesn't leave important time for reflection and causes the work-life balance to tilt. My colleagues shared their wisdom with me, but as we know, learning needs to be experienced. And I needed to learn from my own experience.

Having four months in the new role, and understanding the power of a word to make a positive impact, this year my 2018 word is CULTIVATE. I truly believe that we create the life we want. Joel Osteen, speaks of the power of "I AM" in his book, The Power of I Am. He says "whatever words follow the words 'I am' will determine what your experience will be. You can either speak defeat or power into your life".

Generally speaking, I consider myself a fairly optimistic, positive person, but these past few months professionally, self-doubt has crept in. Similar to a first year teacher, I have felt overwhelmed, compared myself to others, and felt an overall a lack of confidence. Herein lies how my One Word 2018 originated.  Brene Brown, talks about WholeHearted Living in her book Daring Greatly which I read this past summer. She refers to ten guideposts.

Professionally, her ten guideposts struck a chord with me, when I picked up her book again on the holidays. I saw myself and a need to cultivate. If I want to create a life where the words that follow "I am" include "enough and happy." That cannot happen if I continue to speak defeat into my life. Things need to change; I need to cultivate.

Moving forward professionally, I will:

• accept that I do not know everything I want or need to know, while remembering that I am a learner. I am going to keep learning and will make time for learning; 
• build in time to read and write as I value this; 
• build in time to pause and reflect as I know that growth comes from this;
• stop comparing myself to others;
• make time to connect with those in similar roles who inspire me and understand the value of using their leadership and experience to encourage, mentor, and develop others;  
• slow my pace so that I can be more thoughtful and intentional in my daily work;
• be willing to be vulnerable and bring my voice to the table to share opinions and questions. This means being okay with making mistakes, being wrong, and being willing to present my most authentic self. 

I am looking forward to the process of letting my 2018 word guide me! I know there are things I need to cultivate personally but one thing at a time!

What word will guide you this year? #oneword2018

2017 Word of the Year - Hygge

Happy New Year to all of you!

I am still in a bit of disbelief that 2016 has left us and 2017 has begun. For those of you that read my blog, you know that rather than have "New Year's resolutions", instead I prefer to chose a word to focus on throughout the year. More explanations about this can be found on my first blog post, back in 2012. My "Word of the Year" last year was supposed to be happiness.

It started out well and good, until mid-February when life as I knew it, shattered. Happiness was a distant feeling for many months and even when it did arrive, it wasn't the same as I had known it. Instead, it was tainted with the bitterness of not having my mom around to share in the joy. But to say that I had no moments of happiness in 2016 would be incorrect. There were many times, such as Matthew's Grade Seven graduation, 10 days in the summer with my Aunt Debbie and cousin Colleen, watching Megan dance, etc. where I felt joyful, but mixed in with the smiles and happiness, there remains a deep, embedded wound of missing of my mom. This February will mark the one year anniversary of her unexpected passing and I am hopeful that having surmounted all the "firsts" of this year, true happiness (without the after-bite of missing my mom) will become more abundant. I hope to come to some form of acceptance that although she isn't here with me in the form that I wish she was, that she is still here with us and able to see and feel all the wonderful things we experience here on Earth.

Picking my word of the year was more challenging than years past, when words typically came to me in the fall. I couldn't find any word that fit. It wasn't until enduring some quiet, heartfelt days over the holidays and reflecting on the past year that I realized this year, more than ever before I need to focus on "hygge".

Hygge, pronounced "HUY-gah" is a Danish word. There really is no English translation for the word. The closest words would be comfort, well-being, togetherness, or coziness. Hygee is hard to translate because although it can be related to physical surroundings, and how people relate to one and other, in its complete essence, it is a mental state. One definition I read stated "it is a practical way of creating sanctuary in the very middle of real life". Hygee can be found in lit candles, a warm fire, a walk with a friend, listening to music, a soft pair of socks, a favourite old t-shirt, the smell of sweet peas or another favourite flower, and so on. It also comes from spending time with loved ones in uneventful ways. It doesn't call for fancy or excitement, just togetherness.

Perhaps, the best definition of hygge, one which spoke to my heart was by Louisa Thomsen Brits, who has written a book on the subject. She believes that hygge is "a state of mindfulness: how to make mundane tasks dignified, joyful, and beautiful, how to live life connected with loved ones". I truly can't think of anything better.

So on this last night of holidays, I am about to seek hygee in my kitchen as I make some pumpkin muffins for tomorrow morning, pour a cup of tea, and cozy up on the couch with a book. And tomorrow I will return to work with my inner city students whom I hope I provide some hygee through our daily interactions. Goodness knows they provide me with it!

Top Ten List ~ Happiness

Thinking about my word of the year, I wondered what might surface it I had to list the top ten things that make me happy.  Here goes:

1. Spending time with Scott and kids and Buddy, our dog.  Whether relaxing at home, watching a movie, enjoying a dinner out, watching the kids doing sports, driving in the car with these guys, trying something new together as a family, getting together with our extended family, or just being together doing nothing... being with my family brings me much happiness. 
2. My morning cup of coffee.  Scott makes it for me and it is perfect... lukewarm, just the right amount of sugar and skim milk.  I am not a fan of Starbucks or other fancy coffee places.  I look forward to this cup each morning and its own small way it makes my day a little more happy. 
3. Spending time with friends - whether with my mommy group, friends from Neilson Grove school, old friends from high school, teacher friends, my special friend who I see mostly via text, etc..  I appreciate their honesty about the struggles of parenting and the support we provide for each other. I also love the wonderful traditions my Mommy group have created for our children (e.g., Canada Day Party, Camping, etc.)  Friends bring me happiness!
4. Baking - I am a big sweet fan and the taste of something yummy makes me smile! All in all though, I think it is the actual creative aspect of baking that I love the most. 
5. Phone calls and time with my mom - Whenever something good happens, or a funny moment, or when I am upset, the first person after Scott that I want to call is always my Mom.  Yes, she phones a lot but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love going shopping with her or out to dinner or even just driving in the car. 
6. Teaching - My students, whether big or little and my amazing colleagues bring me happiness. Professional reading and learning, planning, reflecting on my students' accomplishments, sharing alongside students' ah-ha moments, and pretty much anything to do with teaching and learning makes me happy. 
7. Going out for dinner either to a friend's or restaurant.  I really don't like to cook and hate the dreaded question "What is for dinner?" so when we get invited out, I appreciate not only the lovely company, but also the food.  For some reason it tastes so much better when someone else has done all the work.  
8. Buying seasonal items.  I love to decorate for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and Halloween.  Scott thinks I am a little obsessed. It may be the teacher in me, but I just love to celebrate these fun days.  I get excited when I see cute items in Home Sense and Pier One and I get even more thrilled when I find good deals after the holiday.  Thank goodness our new house has lots of storage so I can keep adding to my collections.   
9. A great story makes me happy! Losing myself in a good book or movie (even if I come into it half way) or connecting to a blogpost that teaches me something, these are all moments of happiness.
10. Quiet time in my office with a cup of tea. I love looking through the window watching folks walking down Central and imagining what they are thinking. I love the calm and peace that I feel while in that room and the warmth that a good cup of tea brings. It is my special place!

What bring you happiness?  I wonder what your top-ten list might include? 

Looking back ~ Looking forward ~ One Little Word

As 2015 has drawn to a close, I have been reflecting upon the year with fondness. Although I never formally announced my "One Little Word", I did have one.

2015 was the year of change.  

For those of you who have not followed my blog and/or are unaware of the "one little word" tradition, you can read more about it in the link above. I was inspired by two friends of mine who had begun the tradition of approaching each new year with a word, instead of new year's resolutions. A single word can be very powerful. Honestly, these little words have improved my life in so many ways. They have been the nudge I needed: to push myself to be better as a parent, spouse, family member, friend, and teacher; to slow down and reflect upon experiences and emotions from the perspective of my word and to learn and grow from these; to assist me in prioritizing what is important; to lean on in times of worry and distress; and to ultimately assist me in becoming a more loving, understanding, gracious, present, strong and inspired individual.

My previous words include:

This was a thoughtful gift I received from
my Mommy Group in December 2014 for my 40th birthday!

2012 ~ WONDER

2013 ~ STRENGTH

2014 ~ JOY

2015 ~ CHANGE

Looking back on 2015 there were many big and little changes in my life.  The year began with my mom in the hospital recovering from pancreatitis. I was reminded of the unpredictability of life. It was an upsetting time and in the back of my mind I kept wondering if the doctors had misdiagnosed her.  Was her cancer back?  Were we going to lose her?  Thankfully the doctors were correct, it was not cancer but indeed pancreatitis and indeed my mom did recover.  It took many months and it definitely took its toll on her.  She lost a lot of weight and took many months to get back to her old self.  She walked slower, became tired more easily, and wasn't able to do her typical activities of shopping, cooking, and visiting with others. My mom's situation, combined with my Aunt Audrey's passing in January was a wake up call that things can and do change in a moment. And although we cannot prepare for these moments, they are reminders to embrace each day with appreciation and love and not take anyone or anything for granted.

Another big change this year was our move to our new house. With the exception of the week we spent in Oregon this summer, every day I visited the house and ran errands for supplies. Looking back on it all now, it was exhausting but in the end it was a labour of love.  There is something special about the place we call our home and I didn't quite realize how much I had been yearning for this until a couple of months after we moved in.  There is a feeling of being settled that everyone in our family seems to be enjoying.  I see it in the joy the kids take in decorating and rearranging their rooms, and in the nesting Scott and I have been doing.  We both love to putter and organize and even re-organize different areas the house.  I have taken such happiness out of decorating for the seasons, hosting friends and family, baking, and in particular during this holiday, spending numerous hours relaxing at home.

As if moving wasn't enough, this year I decided to make some big professional changes. Although I have a fond and deep appreciation for the Richmond School District and my colleagues there, this year I took a position with the Surrey School District as an Early Numeracy Teacher.  In this role I get to work in an inner city school in Surrey with students in Kindergarten and Grade One co-teaching with their dedicated teachers in the area of Mathematics.  My learning curve has been steep, as the different context has required significant changes in my pedagogical approach.  The first month was rough and humbling.  I felt like a new teacher.  Thankfully I have the most amazing mentor and friend whom I could turn to, who listens and supports, and someone whom I am learning so much from.  The move to Surrey was just what I needed. I feel a renewed and inspired passion for teaching! I drive to work excited each day to see students take joy out of mathematics. I lay awake at night thinking about ideas I want to try and wonder how to reach certain students.  There is nothing quite like seeing a student get a concept that they had been struggling with.

The other part of role in Surrey is supporting teachers in their own professional inquiries in the area of Mathematics as the Changing Results for Young Mathematicians advocate.  Similarly, this role brings me great joy supporting such dedicated teachers who truly want to make a difference in the lives of the students they teach.

This is also my fourth and final year at UBC as the CITE Cohort Coordinator, instructor, and Faculty Advisor.  Last year I had the most wonderful group of students that I truly feared the change that September would bring with a new class.  I have had great students in the past but as a whole group, I had never had one like the cohort of 2014/15.  I cried several times that last week I taught them in August.  I wondered if I could ever feel for another cohort of students the way I felt for them.  It turns out I must have lucky stars watching over me; I ended up with an equally lovely and talented group of students whom I feel honoured to teach.

As you can see from photos, my kids are growing and changing a lot too!  Some days I wish I could just bottle them up and keep them this age forever.  Scott and I are still amongst their favourite people to hang out with.  Yes, they both have many friends but they still take great pleasure out of doing things with us.  Their favourite thing is to have a "sleepover" in our bedroom.  A "sleepover" is where we bring their mattresses into our room and we all watch a movie together and they sleep in our room for the night.  This holiday I spent some time reading posts from past years and it frightens me how quickly time flies.  I look at photos of Megan and Matt a mere four years ago and they look so much more like little kids, than the tweens whom I now live with.  Looking back through the blog was a wonderful reminder of why I would like to blog more often. I really don't want to ever forget the memories and feelings I experience each day and want my kids to be able to read the blog in years to come and take joy in the memories made.

Looking ahead to 2016 I am inspired to continue to the tradition of my "One Little Word". These past few months I have been feeling such a sense of gratitude for everything in my life and a genuine feeling of happiness.  I love this feeling and want to experience more of it.  Therefore, my 2016 word of the year is

I hope to explore and reflect upon what brings me happiness, as well as what brings others in my life happiness!

To understand and know JOY

Every January it seems many of us reflect on our own lives and seek to improve ourselves by committing to an act.  For some it is going to the gym, losing weight, attending church on a regular basis, and so on.  Personally I have never found myself to be very good at maintaining the resolutions I impose on myself.  For the past few years, inspired by a couple of friend’s I have instead chose to focus on a word of the year.  They began this tradition inspired by Ali Edwards, who facilitates the One Little Word Workshop.  Edwards writes

Having a single word to focus on each year has made a difference in my life. In 2006 I began a tradition of choosing one word for myself each January – a word that I can focus on, mediate on, and reflect upon as I go about my daily life. My words have included play, peace, vitality, nurture, story, light, up and open. These words have each become a part of my life in one way or another. They’ve been imbedded into who I am, and into who I’m becoming. They’ve been what I’ve needed (and didn’t know I needed). They’ve helped me to breathe deeper, to see clearer, and to grow.

What do you do with this one little word?  You live with it. You invite it into you life. You let it speak to you. You might even follow where it leads. There are so many possibilities.  http://aliedwards.com/shop/one-little-word-2014

This year my word came to me early.  Having recently finished my Masters, during the fall I found myself a bit lost. I had spent the majority of the previous two years outside of teaching and keeping my family fed and happy, immersed in reading and writing, and online discussions.  When faced with an abundance of time, I had almost forgotten who I used to be and what used to bring me pleasure.  It was then that I knew my word for 2014 must be JOY!  I had to rediscover that which brought me happiness.

The recent holiday season brought many joyous moments... watching the kids open presents Christmas morning, baking with them, parties, time with friends, getting together with family, movies, spending a night at a hotel for New Year's Eve with the kids (thanks to Lisa for that great idea!), and so on!  It truly was a wonderful holiday.

We spent the last few days of the holiday watching Matthew play hockey in the South Delta "Party in Da House" tournament.  This is such a fun event for everyone involved.  Unlike regular season games, there is music, raffle tickets, and far more spectators. Additionally, this is the one time in the season that the Delta teams get to play each other rather than teams from other cities.  Matthew, like most of the other players, really looks forward to playing many of his friends' teams.  His team played terrible the first game.  It was evident that they had not practiced for over three weeks.  But during the second game and those that followed, the team played really well!  As Matthew's team continued to advance, we were all caught a bit by surprise, having never gone this far in this tournament before.  

Sunday morning I stayed home with Megan as she had a friend over for a sleepover and didn't want to go to yet another hockey game.  Matt and Scott left for the game.  This one was important, as the winner would move ahead to the final game of the tournament.  Scott kept his parents and I updated with the events of the game via texts.  It was a very close game that went to a shoot out.  As a parent of the goalie, shootouts can be very stressful!  Matt's team won and everyone could not have been happier!  Matthew was quick to place calls to all the family to ensure they would be in attendance at the final game!

The final game began at 3 p.m.  It started out well.  We were up by 2 goals but the other team soon caught up.  We went to the second period tied but by the end the other team was up by two goals. Matt's team played hard but it just was not meant to be.  They were defeated and for the first time in Matthew's life I saw him fill with sorrow in a way I had not seen before.   Scott and I watched from behind the glass as Matthew seemed to fall over... not to the ice but his upper body lowered with his head hovering over his knees.  He stayed there for several moments.  Scott and I both looked at each other and without saying anything, we knew exactly what Matt was feeling.  He was overcome with extreme disappointment.  

As I watched unable to say anything to him, I remembered a page in a favourite book I gave Megan called Someday by Alison McGee.  It this moving book, McGee details her wishes for her daughter's life... wishes for her to experience great joys, to stretch, to grow, and do all the things possible in life so that she lives it to the fullest.

Later Sunday night as I tucked Matthew in to bed he and I talked about the game and how he was feeling.  Understanding the loss, but without tears, he commented "We were so close... so close".

As I went off to sleep, I was comforted by the fact that Matthew was able to endure such disappointment.  In life I believe we cannot truly come to know and understand JOY without knowing sorrow and disappointment and although what he experienced was difficult, in the end Scott and I know he will be a better person because of it.