2017 Word of the Year - Hygge

Happy New Year to all of you!

I am still in a bit of disbelief that 2016 has left us and 2017 has begun. For those of you that read my blog, you know that rather than have "New Year's resolutions", instead I prefer to chose a word to focus on throughout the year. More explanations about this can be found on my first blog post, back in 2012. My "Word of the Year" last year was supposed to be happiness.

It started out well and good, until mid-February when life as I knew it, shattered. Happiness was a distant feeling for many months and even when it did arrive, it wasn't the same as I had known it. Instead, it was tainted with the bitterness of not having my mom around to share in the joy. But to say that I had no moments of happiness in 2016 would be incorrect. There were many times, such as Matthew's Grade Seven graduation, 10 days in the summer with my Aunt Debbie and cousin Colleen, watching Megan dance, etc. where I felt joyful, but mixed in with the smiles and happiness, there remains a deep, embedded wound of missing of my mom. This February will mark the one year anniversary of her unexpected passing and I am hopeful that having surmounted all the "firsts" of this year, true happiness (without the after-bite of missing my mom) will become more abundant. I hope to come to some form of acceptance that although she isn't here with me in the form that I wish she was, that she is still here with us and able to see and feel all the wonderful things we experience here on Earth.

Picking my word of the year was more challenging than years past, when words typically came to me in the fall. I couldn't find any word that fit. It wasn't until enduring some quiet, heartfelt days over the holidays and reflecting on the past year that I realized this year, more than ever before I need to focus on "hygge".

Hygge, pronounced "HUY-gah" is a Danish word. There really is no English translation for the word. The closest words would be comfort, well-being, togetherness, or coziness. Hygee is hard to translate because although it can be related to physical surroundings, and how people relate to one and other, in its complete essence, it is a mental state. One definition I read stated "it is a practical way of creating sanctuary in the very middle of real life". Hygee can be found in lit candles, a warm fire, a walk with a friend, listening to music, a soft pair of socks, a favourite old t-shirt, the smell of sweet peas or another favourite flower, and so on. It also comes from spending time with loved ones in uneventful ways. It doesn't call for fancy or excitement, just togetherness.

Perhaps, the best definition of hygge, one which spoke to my heart was by Louisa Thomsen Brits, who has written a book on the subject. She believes that hygge is "a state of mindfulness: how to make mundane tasks dignified, joyful, and beautiful, how to live life connected with loved ones". I truly can't think of anything better.

So on this last night of holidays, I am about to seek hygee in my kitchen as I make some pumpkin muffins for tomorrow morning, pour a cup of tea, and cozy up on the couch with a book. And tomorrow I will return to work with my inner city students whom I hope I provide some hygee through our daily interactions. Goodness knows they provide me with it!

Starting School: Matt goes to High School

Tomorrow marks the first day of school for kids in the province of BC. It is always such an exciting time. This year Matthew enters Grade Eight, his first year of high school and Megan begins Grade Six. As I have commented before in blogposts, these big moments since my mom passed come with mixed emotions. I am missing my mom who would be calling tonight to wish the kids a great first day - and she would be eager to join us tomorrow evening at WhiteSpot for our annual "Back to School" dinner out tradition. It won't be the same without her. I am also sad because as they enter a new grade each year, I realize just how fast time is passing. It seems like just yesterday I walked Matthew to his first day in Kindergarten. Similar to that day, I am filled with wishes, hopes and dreams for him in his high school years.

A snapshot from one of our many nightly walks this summer.
The kids were on the hunt for Pokemon!

Thus far I have been very impressed with Delta Secondary School. They have been wonderful at communicating with the Grade Eight parents and students. The steps they have taken to create a safe environment for the Grade Eights by staggering their entry, holding information meetings, providing the students with their schedules a week early, and connecting them with an older buddy on their first day is outstanding. I feel like they truly care about my child. Although I know that each teacher will have close to 200 students I hope they will take the time to get to know each of their students; they won't regret it. Positive relationships have so many benefits (e.g., increased willingness to learn, ability to teach from students' interests, knowledge of students' strengths and needs and how to meet these, etc.) I have heard from some parents of teenagers that sometimes during the high school years, students can lose their love of learning as the workload increases and the content becomes more challenging; this scares me. I hope that Matt's teachers discover his interests, passions, what he does well, and are able to engage him in learning that excites him. The next five years are going to have a lasting impression on Matt and I dream that he leaves high school as he has entered it - as a confident, happy, life-long learner, who has many friends, is eager to follow his passions, and
loves contributing to the world in positive ways. I know these are lofty goals but I believe they can be achieved.

To all the teachers and kids I know starting school tomorrow... I hope you have an amazing day and an awesome year of learning and growing.

June: A Month of Bittersweet Happiness

Typically the month of June is full of happiness for my family. It is filled with many celebrations including both kids birthdays, father's day, year-end dance shows, sport's day, final sports tournaments, excitement for summer and so on. I think those of you that know me know that I take great joy and happiness from these moments. I love being a mom and look forward to finding ways to celebrate M & M. This June is extra special because it marks a milestone for Matthew; he completes Grade Seven and will be moving on to high school. I am so proud of the young man he has become and can't believe he is now a teenager.

... and my baby boy is now 13!

This June though, my emotions have been mixed. Along with all the happiness that typically fills my heart, I have had intense feelings of sadness and grief. I am missing my mom. Although I am slowly adjusting to life without her, I wish she were here to celebrate with me. I long to see her smiling, proud face and hear her voice and her laughter. I would give anything to be wrapped in one of her loving hugs and feel her presence. I think I have cried more this month than I did when she passed in February. People say all the "firsts" are tough and they are right. I do know in my heart that my mom is in a better place and although she is not physically here, she is somewhere looking down and happy... but selfishly I ache for more.

Megan did so well this year in dance!

Next week Matthew has his Grade Seven dinner on Monday night and Tuesday is the final farewell assembly. I am so excited for Matt but also know that in these wonderful moments I will be challenged to adjust to a different kind of happiness - bittersweet...

That is Matthew at Sport's Day sitting on my lap!

Matt's team is heading to the Provincials!

Not taking moments for granted

A couple weeks ago I was reviewing old photos on our computer. I stumbled across the one to the right and I wished I could place the moment in my mind. Based on the surroundings, it looks like we may have been at Costco. Looking at the photo brought back a flood of many fond memories pushing the buggy with my two kids in it.  I remember how they would share food and chat with each other.  I remember the giggles and I remember loving how they would hold hands and how often they would fall asleep on one and other in the jogging stroller.

Looking back at those special moments in time, I don't think I thought much of them at the time. I was just going about my daily activities, pushing my two kids...  Now in hindsight, I realize just how special those moments were.

I wish that I had of known the last time I would push both my kids in the buggy at the grocery store or the last time the two kids would be together in the jogging stroller. I know I would have pushed a little longer, snapped more photos, and just cherished the time with them.  But unfortunately we never know when those last moments will be.  We continue to go about our daily events without much thought to last moments.

On this past family day weekend, the kids decided they wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese.  Matthew is 12 and half and Megan is 10 and half so on the drive to Langley, I began to wonder if this trip might be a "last moment".  Both kids are getting older and are likely to eventually succumb to the pressure of what is and what isn't cool (although I hope they don't). I wonder if there might come a day when it won't be cool to go to Chuck E Cheese because it will be seen as a kiddies place.  So on Saturday, I just revelled in the moment of fun my kids, Scott and I were having. I played the games with them and we discussed which games might give us more tickets and why.  We laughed while we watched Scott play basketball grinning from ear to ear. And I just soaked up the moment, more aware of how special these times are.

Top Ten List ~ Happiness

Thinking about my word of the year, I wondered what might surface it I had to list the top ten things that make me happy.  Here goes:

1. Spending time with Scott and kids and Buddy, our dog.  Whether relaxing at home, watching a movie, enjoying a dinner out, watching the kids doing sports, driving in the car with these guys, trying something new together as a family, getting together with our extended family, or just being together doing nothing... being with my family brings me much happiness. 
2. My morning cup of coffee.  Scott makes it for me and it is perfect... lukewarm, just the right amount of sugar and skim milk.  I am not a fan of Starbucks or other fancy coffee places.  I look forward to this cup each morning and its own small way it makes my day a little more happy. 
3. Spending time with friends - whether with my mommy group, friends from Neilson Grove school, old friends from high school, teacher friends, my special friend who I see mostly via text, etc..  I appreciate their honesty about the struggles of parenting and the support we provide for each other. I also love the wonderful traditions my Mommy group have created for our children (e.g., Canada Day Party, Camping, etc.)  Friends bring me happiness!
4. Baking - I am a big sweet fan and the taste of something yummy makes me smile! All in all though, I think it is the actual creative aspect of baking that I love the most. 
5. Phone calls and time with my mom - Whenever something good happens, or a funny moment, or when I am upset, the first person after Scott that I want to call is always my Mom.  Yes, she phones a lot but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love going shopping with her or out to dinner or even just driving in the car. 
6. Teaching - My students, whether big or little and my amazing colleagues bring me happiness. Professional reading and learning, planning, reflecting on my students' accomplishments, sharing alongside students' ah-ha moments, and pretty much anything to do with teaching and learning makes me happy. 
7. Going out for dinner either to a friend's or restaurant.  I really don't like to cook and hate the dreaded question "What is for dinner?" so when we get invited out, I appreciate not only the lovely company, but also the food.  For some reason it tastes so much better when someone else has done all the work.  
8. Buying seasonal items.  I love to decorate for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and Halloween.  Scott thinks I am a little obsessed. It may be the teacher in me, but I just love to celebrate these fun days.  I get excited when I see cute items in Home Sense and Pier One and I get even more thrilled when I find good deals after the holiday.  Thank goodness our new house has lots of storage so I can keep adding to my collections.   
9. A great story makes me happy! Losing myself in a good book or movie (even if I come into it half way) or connecting to a blogpost that teaches me something, these are all moments of happiness.
10. Quiet time in my office with a cup of tea. I love looking through the window watching folks walking down Central and imagining what they are thinking. I love the calm and peace that I feel while in that room and the warmth that a good cup of tea brings. It is my special place!

What bring you happiness?  I wonder what your top-ten list might include? 

Looking back ~ Looking forward ~ One Little Word

As 2015 has drawn to a close, I have been reflecting upon the year with fondness. Although I never formally announced my "One Little Word", I did have one.

2015 was the year of change.  

For those of you who have not followed my blog and/or are unaware of the "one little word" tradition, you can read more about it in the link above. I was inspired by two friends of mine who had begun the tradition of approaching each new year with a word, instead of new year's resolutions. A single word can be very powerful. Honestly, these little words have improved my life in so many ways. They have been the nudge I needed: to push myself to be better as a parent, spouse, family member, friend, and teacher; to slow down and reflect upon experiences and emotions from the perspective of my word and to learn and grow from these; to assist me in prioritizing what is important; to lean on in times of worry and distress; and to ultimately assist me in becoming a more loving, understanding, gracious, present, strong and inspired individual.

My previous words include:

This was a thoughtful gift I received from
my Mommy Group in December 2014 for my 40th birthday!

2012 ~ WONDER

2013 ~ STRENGTH

2014 ~ JOY

2015 ~ CHANGE

Looking back on 2015 there were many big and little changes in my life.  The year began with my mom in the hospital recovering from pancreatitis. I was reminded of the unpredictability of life. It was an upsetting time and in the back of my mind I kept wondering if the doctors had misdiagnosed her.  Was her cancer back?  Were we going to lose her?  Thankfully the doctors were correct, it was not cancer but indeed pancreatitis and indeed my mom did recover.  It took many months and it definitely took its toll on her.  She lost a lot of weight and took many months to get back to her old self.  She walked slower, became tired more easily, and wasn't able to do her typical activities of shopping, cooking, and visiting with others. My mom's situation, combined with my Aunt Audrey's passing in January was a wake up call that things can and do change in a moment. And although we cannot prepare for these moments, they are reminders to embrace each day with appreciation and love and not take anyone or anything for granted.

Another big change this year was our move to our new house. With the exception of the week we spent in Oregon this summer, every day I visited the house and ran errands for supplies. Looking back on it all now, it was exhausting but in the end it was a labour of love.  There is something special about the place we call our home and I didn't quite realize how much I had been yearning for this until a couple of months after we moved in.  There is a feeling of being settled that everyone in our family seems to be enjoying.  I see it in the joy the kids take in decorating and rearranging their rooms, and in the nesting Scott and I have been doing.  We both love to putter and organize and even re-organize different areas the house.  I have taken such happiness out of decorating for the seasons, hosting friends and family, baking, and in particular during this holiday, spending numerous hours relaxing at home.

As if moving wasn't enough, this year I decided to make some big professional changes. Although I have a fond and deep appreciation for the Richmond School District and my colleagues there, this year I took a position with the Surrey School District as an Early Numeracy Teacher.  In this role I get to work in an inner city school in Surrey with students in Kindergarten and Grade One co-teaching with their dedicated teachers in the area of Mathematics.  My learning curve has been steep, as the different context has required significant changes in my pedagogical approach.  The first month was rough and humbling.  I felt like a new teacher.  Thankfully I have the most amazing mentor and friend whom I could turn to, who listens and supports, and someone whom I am learning so much from.  The move to Surrey was just what I needed. I feel a renewed and inspired passion for teaching! I drive to work excited each day to see students take joy out of mathematics. I lay awake at night thinking about ideas I want to try and wonder how to reach certain students.  There is nothing quite like seeing a student get a concept that they had been struggling with.

The other part of role in Surrey is supporting teachers in their own professional inquiries in the area of Mathematics as the Changing Results for Young Mathematicians advocate.  Similarly, this role brings me great joy supporting such dedicated teachers who truly want to make a difference in the lives of the students they teach.

This is also my fourth and final year at UBC as the CITE Cohort Coordinator, instructor, and Faculty Advisor.  Last year I had the most wonderful group of students that I truly feared the change that September would bring with a new class.  I have had great students in the past but as a whole group, I had never had one like the cohort of 2014/15.  I cried several times that last week I taught them in August.  I wondered if I could ever feel for another cohort of students the way I felt for them.  It turns out I must have lucky stars watching over me; I ended up with an equally lovely and talented group of students whom I feel honoured to teach.

As you can see from photos, my kids are growing and changing a lot too!  Some days I wish I could just bottle them up and keep them this age forever.  Scott and I are still amongst their favourite people to hang out with.  Yes, they both have many friends but they still take great pleasure out of doing things with us.  Their favourite thing is to have a "sleepover" in our bedroom.  A "sleepover" is where we bring their mattresses into our room and we all watch a movie together and they sleep in our room for the night.  This holiday I spent some time reading posts from past years and it frightens me how quickly time flies.  I look at photos of Megan and Matt a mere four years ago and they look so much more like little kids, than the tweens whom I now live with.  Looking back through the blog was a wonderful reminder of why I would like to blog more often. I really don't want to ever forget the memories and feelings I experience each day and want my kids to be able to read the blog in years to come and take joy in the memories made.

Looking ahead to 2016 I am inspired to continue to the tradition of my "One Little Word". These past few months I have been feeling such a sense of gratitude for everything in my life and a genuine feeling of happiness.  I love this feeling and want to experience more of it.  Therefore, my 2016 word of the year is

I hope to explore and reflect upon what brings me happiness, as well as what brings others in my life happiness!

Megan's turns TEN!

So those of you who know Megan, know that her birthday was actually late in June. This might lead you to thinking I am losing my mind - lol - but I am not; I am still sane, at least I think I am! It's just that I have finally found some time to reflect and write on my adorable Megan, which is important because Megan continually reminds me that I never wrote a "TOP TEN" list for her, like I did for her brother Matthew when he turned ten and that is "not fair".

So in honour of my AMAZING MEGAN, here is her TOP TEN list!

1. Megan is a FUNNY kid!  She knows how to have a good time and makes others laugh without trying.  She makes faces, does crazy things with her body, and sometimes snorts when she laughs. She is a lot of FUN to be around. 
2. Megan is a highly CREATIVE person. She can make the most amazing origami, rainbow loom designs, pottery, paintings, cupcake and cookie designs, movies on her iPad, and illustrations.  She regularly can be found watching YouTube "how-to" videos and teaches herself all sorts of neat things. She also writes moving little stories and chapter books. 
3. Megan is CARING.  She will think of others and how their day was, and is wonderful with our dog Buddy, talking him for walks, brushing his hair, and making time to play with him.   
4. Megan is FIESTY. She speaks her mind and will argue her points. She takes on her older brother Matthew without fear. She is not scared of anything - except maybe spiders. 
5. She is an ATHLETE. Megan is good at anything she tries. She is a great dancer and soccer player! 
6. Megan seeks FAIRNESS in all areas of her life.  I wonder how this will play out in her later years.  Will she seek a career in something connected to social justice?  A lawyer? 
7. Megan is INDEPENDENT. She does things for herself and by herself.  Don't get me wrong, she works well with others, but on her own she is very capable. 
8. She is SAVVY!  Megan is clever, a critical thinker and witty. 
9. Megan is a good FRIEND. She enjoys spending time with her friends and is very loyal. 
10. She is LOVING. Megan loves to hug and asks for cuddles all the the time.

Megan is not perfect - no child is.  On occasions she can be persistent (a.k.a. annoying) and can screech and yell and act like a two-year old but we all have our moments. Overall though, Megan is a delight to be with. 

Similar to my comments on Matthew's tenth birthday, I am blown away by how fast ten years has gone by. I look at her and I just want to stop time and keep her as she is. I am so grateful and honoured to be her mom and love the time we spend together. 

Tonight I can't wait to cuddle up beside her and show her this post and read her the book I Wish You More by Amy Krouse Rosenthal.  My hopes, dreams, and love for her is limitless.