One Word 2018 - Cultivate

And with the blink of an eye, another year has passed! The recent winter holiday was wonderful. We had two weeks off after Christmas which allowed time for much reflection on the year, a renewal of energy and spirit, and time to think about my 2018 One Word. Choosing a single word to guide my year has been a tradition I have been doing since 2012. I've written previous blogposts here and here. I've never been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions as they felt a bit like a pass/fail test; whereas, choosing a profound word to inspire and create intention in your life sounds far more inviting!

It seems this tradition is catching on with others. Originally, I heard about One Little Word from a friend who followed Ali Edwards, a blogger who leads workshops on One Little Word. In the fall, another friend introduced me to Jon Gordon, one of the authors of One Word That Will Change Your Life.

2017 was the year of Hygee! Reflecting upon the year that I had, I can tell you with all honestly that my "One Word" made a difference. Placing emphasis on "hygee" helped me to move beyond a year of sadness (the loss of mom) and into a place where I could take comfort in the sanctuary of life. Simply being home with my family or alone or through togetherness with others, I felt love, joy and general sense of well-being. Small things like nightly walks with the dog and Scott, a cozy pair of socks, lit candles, new jammies, and hearing "I love you" from either M & M, all brought be gratitude, serenity and inner peace. This was much needed.

In September, I started a new position in my school district. I went from multiple roles to a district role where I support teachers and students in Numeracy in a broader way. With any change, there is a ton of learning and challenges. There are also many positives, like developing relationships with 'new to me' colleagues. My learning curve has been steep and my pace has been insane; a result of not knowing what I don't know, wanting to do well, and the high expectations I place on myself. A pace like this doesn't leave important time for reflection and causes the work-life balance to tilt. My colleagues shared their wisdom with me, but as we know, learning needs to be experienced. And I needed to learn from my own experience.

Having four months in the new role, and understanding the power of a word to make a positive impact, this year my 2018 word is CULTIVATE. I truly believe that we create the life we want. Joel Osteen, speaks of the power of "I AM" in his book, The Power of I Am. He says "whatever words follow the words 'I am' will determine what your experience will be. You can either speak defeat or power into your life".

Generally speaking, I consider myself a fairly optimistic, positive person, but these past few months professionally, self-doubt has crept in. Similar to a first year teacher, I have felt overwhelmed, compared myself to others, and felt an overall a lack of confidence. Herein lies how my One Word 2018 originated.  Brene Brown, talks about WholeHearted Living in her book Daring Greatly which I read this past summer. She refers to ten guideposts.

Professionally, her ten guideposts struck a chord with me, when I picked up her book again on the holidays. I saw myself and a need to cultivate. If I want to create a life where the words that follow "I am" include "enough and happy." That cannot happen if I continue to speak defeat into my life. Things need to change; I need to cultivate.

Moving forward professionally, I will:

• accept that I do not know everything I want or need to know, while remembering that I am a learner. I am going to keep learning and will make time for learning; 
• build in time to read and write as I value this; 
• build in time to pause and reflect as I know that growth comes from this;
• stop comparing myself to others;
• make time to connect with those in similar roles who inspire me and understand the value of using their leadership and experience to encourage, mentor, and develop others;  
• slow my pace so that I can be more thoughtful and intentional in my daily work;
• be willing to be vulnerable and bring my voice to the table to share opinions and questions. This means being okay with making mistakes, being wrong, and being willing to present my most authentic self. 

I am looking forward to the process of letting my 2018 word guide me! I know there are things I need to cultivate personally but one thing at a time!

What word will guide you this year? #oneword2018

Hygee this Summer!

It's hard to believe but tomorrow the kids and I are officially back to school! We've had a memorable summer ~ the perfect balance of fun activities and time to relax!

As I reflected on the memories we made, I was reminded of my word of the year - "hygee". It has many definitions but the one I connect with is "creating sanctuary in life".  I wondered where this summer did hygee present itself?

Looking back, it appeared so many places and at many different times, including:

• in the glow of family/friends faces gathering around fires
• the smell of a freshy-cut bouquet of sweat-peas on the kitchen table
• the blanket like feeling you get on warm days when the heat of sun sinks into your skin
• the feeling of serenity on mornings when you have no plans for the day and the possibilities are endless
• the comfort of staying in jammies til midday 
• late night cuddles with my kids on the couch binge watching a Netflix show
• the feeling of blissful joy experienced by just being surrounded by friends and family

We feel truly blessed for the wonderful memories! 

2017 Word of the Year - Hygge

Happy New Year to all of you!

I am still in a bit of disbelief that 2016 has left us and 2017 has begun. For those of you that read my blog, you know that rather than have "New Year's resolutions", instead I prefer to chose a word to focus on throughout the year. More explanations about this can be found on my first blog post, back in 2012. My "Word of the Year" last year was supposed to be happiness.

It started out well and good, until mid-February when life as I knew it, shattered. Happiness was a distant feeling for many months and even when it did arrive, it wasn't the same as I had known it. Instead, it was tainted with the bitterness of not having my mom around to share in the joy. But to say that I had no moments of happiness in 2016 would be incorrect. There were many times, such as Matthew's Grade Seven graduation, 10 days in the summer with my Aunt Debbie and cousin Colleen, watching Megan dance, etc. where I felt joyful, but mixed in with the smiles and happiness, there remains a deep, embedded wound of missing of my mom. This February will mark the one year anniversary of her unexpected passing and I am hopeful that having surmounted all the "firsts" of this year, true happiness (without the after-bite of missing my mom) will become more abundant. I hope to come to some form of acceptance that although she isn't here with me in the form that I wish she was, that she is still here with us and able to see and feel all the wonderful things we experience here on Earth.

Picking my word of the year was more challenging than years past, when words typically came to me in the fall. I couldn't find any word that fit. It wasn't until enduring some quiet, heartfelt days over the holidays and reflecting on the past year that I realized this year, more than ever before I need to focus on "hygge".

Hygge, pronounced "HUY-gah" is a Danish word. There really is no English translation for the word. The closest words would be comfort, well-being, togetherness, or coziness. Hygee is hard to translate because although it can be related to physical surroundings, and how people relate to one and other, in its complete essence, it is a mental state. One definition I read stated "it is a practical way of creating sanctuary in the very middle of real life". Hygee can be found in lit candles, a warm fire, a walk with a friend, listening to music, a soft pair of socks, a favourite old t-shirt, the smell of sweet peas or another favourite flower, and so on. It also comes from spending time with loved ones in uneventful ways. It doesn't call for fancy or excitement, just togetherness.

Perhaps, the best definition of hygge, one which spoke to my heart was by Louisa Thomsen Brits, who has written a book on the subject. She believes that hygge is "a state of mindfulness: how to make mundane tasks dignified, joyful, and beautiful, how to live life connected with loved ones". I truly can't think of anything better.

So on this last night of holidays, I am about to seek hygee in my kitchen as I make some pumpkin muffins for tomorrow morning, pour a cup of tea, and cozy up on the couch with a book. And tomorrow I will return to work with my inner city students whom I hope I provide some hygee through our daily interactions. Goodness knows they provide me with it!

Starting School: Matt goes to High School

Tomorrow marks the first day of school for kids in the province of BC. It is always such an exciting time. This year Matthew enters Grade Eight, his first year of high school and Megan begins Grade Six. As I have commented before in blogposts, these big moments since my mom passed come with mixed emotions. I am missing my mom who would be calling tonight to wish the kids a great first day - and she would be eager to join us tomorrow evening at WhiteSpot for our annual "Back to School" dinner out tradition. It won't be the same without her. I am also sad because as they enter a new grade each year, I realize just how fast time is passing. It seems like just yesterday I walked Matthew to his first day in Kindergarten. Similar to that day, I am filled with wishes, hopes and dreams for him in his high school years.

A snapshot from one of our many nightly walks this summer.
The kids were on the hunt for Pokemon!

Thus far I have been very impressed with Delta Secondary School. They have been wonderful at communicating with the Grade Eight parents and students. The steps they have taken to create a safe environment for the Grade Eights by staggering their entry, holding information meetings, providing the students with their schedules a week early, and connecting them with an older buddy on their first day is outstanding. I feel like they truly care about my child. Although I know that each teacher will have close to 200 students I hope they will take the time to get to know each of their students; they won't regret it. Positive relationships have so many benefits (e.g., increased willingness to learn, ability to teach from students' interests, knowledge of students' strengths and needs and how to meet these, etc.) I have heard from some parents of teenagers that sometimes during the high school years, students can lose their love of learning as the workload increases and the content becomes more challenging; this scares me. I hope that Matt's teachers discover his interests, passions, what he does well, and are able to engage him in learning that excites him. The next five years are going to have a lasting impression on Matt and I dream that he leaves high school as he has entered it - as a confident, happy, life-long learner, who has many friends, is eager to follow his passions, and
loves contributing to the world in positive ways. I know these are lofty goals but I believe they can be achieved.

To all the teachers and kids I know starting school tomorrow... I hope you have an amazing day and an awesome year of learning and growing.

June: A Month of Bittersweet Happiness

Typically the month of June is full of happiness for my family. It is filled with many celebrations including both kids birthdays, father's day, year-end dance shows, sport's day, final sports tournaments, excitement for summer and so on. I think those of you that know me know that I take great joy and happiness from these moments. I love being a mom and look forward to finding ways to celebrate M & M. This June is extra special because it marks a milestone for Matthew; he completes Grade Seven and will be moving on to high school. I am so proud of the young man he has become and can't believe he is now a teenager.

... and my baby boy is now 13!

This June though, my emotions have been mixed. Along with all the happiness that typically fills my heart, I have had intense feelings of sadness and grief. I am missing my mom. Although I am slowly adjusting to life without her, I wish she were here to celebrate with me. I long to see her smiling, proud face and hear her voice and her laughter. I would give anything to be wrapped in one of her loving hugs and feel her presence. I think I have cried more this month than I did when she passed in February. People say all the "firsts" are tough and they are right. I do know in my heart that my mom is in a better place and although she is not physically here, she is somewhere looking down and happy... but selfishly I ache for more.

Megan did so well this year in dance!

Next week Matthew has his Grade Seven dinner on Monday night and Tuesday is the final farewell assembly. I am so excited for Matt but also know that in these wonderful moments I will be challenged to adjust to a different kind of happiness - bittersweet...

That is Matthew at Sport's Day sitting on my lap!

Matt's team is heading to the Provincials!

Not taking moments for granted

A couple weeks ago I was reviewing old photos on our computer. I stumbled across the one to the right and I wished I could place the moment in my mind. Based on the surroundings, it looks like we may have been at Costco. Looking at the photo brought back a flood of many fond memories pushing the buggy with my two kids in it.  I remember how they would share food and chat with each other.  I remember the giggles and I remember loving how they would hold hands and how often they would fall asleep on one and other in the jogging stroller.

Looking back at those special moments in time, I don't think I thought much of them at the time. I was just going about my daily activities, pushing my two kids...  Now in hindsight, I realize just how special those moments were.

I wish that I had of known the last time I would push both my kids in the buggy at the grocery store or the last time the two kids would be together in the jogging stroller. I know I would have pushed a little longer, snapped more photos, and just cherished the time with them.  But unfortunately we never know when those last moments will be.  We continue to go about our daily events without much thought to last moments.

On this past family day weekend, the kids decided they wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese.  Matthew is 12 and half and Megan is 10 and half so on the drive to Langley, I began to wonder if this trip might be a "last moment".  Both kids are getting older and are likely to eventually succumb to the pressure of what is and what isn't cool (although I hope they don't). I wonder if there might come a day when it won't be cool to go to Chuck E Cheese because it will be seen as a kiddies place.  So on Saturday, I just revelled in the moment of fun my kids, Scott and I were having. I played the games with them and we discussed which games might give us more tickets and why.  We laughed while we watched Scott play basketball grinning from ear to ear. And I just soaked up the moment, more aware of how special these times are.

Top Ten List ~ Happiness

Thinking about my word of the year, I wondered what might surface it I had to list the top ten things that make me happy.  Here goes:

1. Spending time with Scott and kids and Buddy, our dog.  Whether relaxing at home, watching a movie, enjoying a dinner out, watching the kids doing sports, driving in the car with these guys, trying something new together as a family, getting together with our extended family, or just being together doing nothing... being with my family brings me much happiness. 
2. My morning cup of coffee.  Scott makes it for me and it is perfect... lukewarm, just the right amount of sugar and skim milk.  I am not a fan of Starbucks or other fancy coffee places.  I look forward to this cup each morning and its own small way it makes my day a little more happy. 
3. Spending time with friends - whether with my mommy group, friends from Neilson Grove school, old friends from high school, teacher friends, my special friend who I see mostly via text, etc..  I appreciate their honesty about the struggles of parenting and the support we provide for each other. I also love the wonderful traditions my Mommy group have created for our children (e.g., Canada Day Party, Camping, etc.)  Friends bring me happiness!
4. Baking - I am a big sweet fan and the taste of something yummy makes me smile! All in all though, I think it is the actual creative aspect of baking that I love the most. 
5. Phone calls and time with my mom - Whenever something good happens, or a funny moment, or when I am upset, the first person after Scott that I want to call is always my Mom.  Yes, she phones a lot but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love going shopping with her or out to dinner or even just driving in the car. 
6. Teaching - My students, whether big or little and my amazing colleagues bring me happiness. Professional reading and learning, planning, reflecting on my students' accomplishments, sharing alongside students' ah-ha moments, and pretty much anything to do with teaching and learning makes me happy. 
7. Going out for dinner either to a friend's or restaurant.  I really don't like to cook and hate the dreaded question "What is for dinner?" so when we get invited out, I appreciate not only the lovely company, but also the food.  For some reason it tastes so much better when someone else has done all the work.  
8. Buying seasonal items.  I love to decorate for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, and Halloween.  Scott thinks I am a little obsessed. It may be the teacher in me, but I just love to celebrate these fun days.  I get excited when I see cute items in Home Sense and Pier One and I get even more thrilled when I find good deals after the holiday.  Thank goodness our new house has lots of storage so I can keep adding to my collections.   
9. A great story makes me happy! Losing myself in a good book or movie (even if I come into it half way) or connecting to a blogpost that teaches me something, these are all moments of happiness.
10. Quiet time in my office with a cup of tea. I love looking through the window watching folks walking down Central and imagining what they are thinking. I love the calm and peace that I feel while in that room and the warmth that a good cup of tea brings. It is my special place!

What bring you happiness?  I wonder what your top-ten list might include?